go do what you do best...puke behind churches
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
this just has baby written all over it
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize