I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
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