I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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