You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
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Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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