I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize