I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
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can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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