Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My feet surprised me
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