she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize