I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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