I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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