All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
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i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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