you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize