well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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