last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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