Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
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And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
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And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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