so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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