i just had sex bonerless
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize