if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
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I am midnight drunk by noon
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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