i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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