the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We left the knife in your bed.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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