i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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