I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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