You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
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his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
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My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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