i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
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you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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