we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize