I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
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i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize