She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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