i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
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