i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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