you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
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It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
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I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize