I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
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When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
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I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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