booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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