Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you traded sex for a burrito?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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