I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize