Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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