I think I won the penis lottery.
you would pick up someone in the library
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize