This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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