my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NoShamevember. You game?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize