I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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