Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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