we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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