The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize