I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
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We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
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Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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