we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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