Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize