**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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