You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
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I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
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I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize