Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
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