I puked a lego.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
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Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
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Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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