i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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